Today’s blog post was inspired by a man name of Ron Rivera. Ron Rivera is the head coach of the Washington football team. They are formerly known as the Washington Redskins, and they’ve changed the name because of cultural appropriation. When he took over the team, right as they were changing the name of the team, and they were also having a little bit of a toxic culture going on. He was brought in to bring in a facelift for the team. The reporter asked him, with so much change going with the team, what made you accept the job.
Rivera didn’t bat an eye and said whenever there’s a coaching change, there’s always going to be a little ruffling. You know, when it comes to change, there’s really three rules. And he said, it’s your ATTITUDE, it’s your PREPARATION, and it’s your EFFORT, that’s what’s going to get you through a change that’s gonna get you through a turbulent time. And I was like, hey, that’s some powerful stuff.
And I’m like, you know what, that’s something that I need to talk about, that’s something that because I see so many women over 40 repeating the same mistakes over and over and over again, because they are afraid of change, they keep repeating the same things to lose weight, even if they are not getting any results. These women keep thinking I’ve done the steps something different will happen. It’s kind of like, when you drive home, do you think about how you got home, do you remind yourself to take exit 55 then make a right at the blue house on the right side of the street, you just know, you make a left here, you make our right there, and you don’t even think about it. Maybe you think about it when the change of seasons, and you think to yourself the house down the street from me that has a very beautiful garden. And that’s the only time you notice that house.
We can apply the same logic when it comes to change. You do what feels comfortable, what feels certain, even if you are certain that we’re not going to get the results, you think each time you try you’re gonna get different results. Because it’s a different day, you know, different time of year, whatever.
It got me thinking how can I apply this to weight loss. Those 3 words are powerful, powerful on their own, but they’re just amazingly powerful when you put them together in a systematize way.
The first place to start is attitude. I have to start by giving a definition. Because, attitude can mean so many different things. What does attitude really mean? It is a settled way of thinking or feeling, it is a framework, a point of view, a mental state, right? That is attitude. Think about it, we all have an attitude or a point of view about weight loss. Some of you have the attitude that weight loss is hard, you have to struggle, you got to give up this food, it has to look like this, I should be doing this for a workout. These are the attitudes that keep women over 40 stuck. I talk to women a lot about mindset, but it’s a really nebulous thing.
Mindset boils down to two things you have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. If you have a growth mindset, it means that you know what, even though right now it feels sucky. You have the ability to get out of the suckiness where a fixed mindset says no, this is just how it is. I’m just meant to suck. It’s meant to be hard, and I’m just going to wallow in my own ????. Those are the two attitudes that we have here. The two mindsets we have here.
Which one are you?
As Ron was taking over this team, he could choose lay in the poop, or he could say right now we’re in the ???? but there’s going to be sunshine and glitter down the road.
When it comes to our attitudes around weight loss, many of us have this black and white thinking, residing to yourself this is how it has to be. But what I’ve learned over my 15 years of working on myself, and working with clients, not everything is black and white, there are shades of gray, if the human body was black and white, dang, my job would be so darn easy. Even medical doctors are taking their best guess, based on the evidence presented to them. That’s what a good coach does too.
We all have to change our attitude around, for every action you take toward weight loss there will be an immediate response. So many of women over 40 think that to lose weight you need to drop 500 calories by and each week you should be losing one to two pounds. Well, if your body were a calculator, yeah, that would work out if your body was some type of machine. Unfortunately, that’s NOT how our bodies work. You know, sometimes like, boom, boom, boom, the weight drops off. And then the wait, just pause is there. So that’s where so many women get frustrated and kick the wall screaming I’m doing all the work, and I’m getting no results. And that’s what so many women stop. They tell themselves that they need to find something harder, something a little bit more stringent, something a little bit willpower, so that I can continue to get the results over and over and over again. But here’s the thing.
Ladies, let that those setbacks fuel you versus using them as evidence that you are not supposed to get what you want. If you are following a process, you can use the setback to determine where you need to course correct. This is also where you ask yourself better questions. Instead of saying, everything I’m doing is crap and throw it out the window. Here’s what you say to me. Okay, I’ve taken this step. I’ve reduced my calories. I’ve done this, I’ve done this, I’ve done this. Now assess What the heck am I eating? Am I eating at McDonald’s? Am eating getting fried foods? Am eating vegetables? Protein? With nutrition you can really like open the hood, and unpack what’s going on if I have a process.
With your attitude, you have to change who you are around. When I was competing. I was one of the few women at my gym, other than this girl Melissa. Who came to the gym and lifted heavy weights. We came into the gym with a plan, a focus. We were drawn to each other because of that. Then every Sunday, I used to go to what was called Sunday sessions. My husband called it my meeting with the super friends because I would go there and every woman in there felt the same way I did about the gym, you pick up some heavy weights, you crush your workout and you walk out the door.
❓And so I want you to think about the same thing, who are you surrounded by?
❓Are you surrounded by negative Nancy’s?
❓Are you surrounded by people who are telling you like life has to be hard and this is the way it has to be?
❓Are you surrounding yourself around people who are all about endless possibilities?
I’m fortunate that I have a lot of people in my life. Reassuring me and showing me through actions it doesn’t have to be this way. And I hope that I am that person for other people in my life.
One of the big things I say, when it comes to change your attitude, you have to laugh, laughing is one of my favorite things. I laugh every day. Laughing is one of the reasons why I married my husband. At least once a week, my husband makes me have a belly laugh laugh. I also laugh at myself, I teach a few classes a week. And there are plenty of times that I make mistakes. But I laugh at myself. And I bring the class in with me to laugh to know it’s okay to make a mistake. Seriously life would be so stinking hard if I didn’t laugh at myself.
What’s your attitude? You have to know where you’re going right? Because how can you have with you know, the human condition wants certainty. And how can I be certain if I don’t know where I’m going or I’m always changing the destination.
I live in Boston so one time I might be going to New York, one time it’s California, one time it’s Miami one time it’s Toledo. If I’m all over the map am I going to make any inroads? I really have to be clear on where I want to go and in my mind’s eye see where it is I want to go you know, treat it like a vacation. You pick let’s say Jamaica, I’m going to Jamaica and all of a sudden, you can on cue pull up what that feeling of Jamaica? You’re like thinking about the sand you’re thinking about your sitting either at the pool or the or the beach, you see someone bringing you a cocktail and wondering if it slushy? What color is it and you’re starting to pull in those feelings pull in those visual cues same thing can be said about weight loss.
What you know when I get to my goal this is this is what I’m looking for. That’s you motivation I’ve talked about this regularly, many people say I’m not motivated. You’re not motivated because you can’t see where you want to go. You haven’t defined where it is that you want to go. This is your why. Simon Sinek talks about your why. Your why is why people do things. Why is why people buy from a certain company. Take Apple, people buy from Apple because the products are overall simplistic. They buy because they know that they’re gonna get a simple product. Apple is all about like beauty and simplicity. You know the why behind the products.
What’s your why behind why you want to lose the weight?
Why do you want to get healthy and fit because that’s going to get your booty out of bed on a cold dark morning? That’s what’s gonna get you from rolling over and putting the cover on your head.
Your why gets you to ask yourself is it going to get me closer to where I want to be?
This leads us to the last part about attitude. It’s realistic goals. What are you trying accomplish? If you use My Fitness Pal, it ask do you want to go aggressive? Do you want to go not so aggressive? And I will always say this, and I want to thank a good friend for giving me this these words. How do you get your goals how you keep your goal.
If I go hard, guess what? I’m gonna have go hard all the damn time. And at some point, you’re going to want to get off that treadmill, you gonna to get off that hard train. The challenge here is to start coming back and creating these realistic expectations versus how you think it should go.
I should be doing this at the gym for this amount of time and this number of days.
I should be eating this way.
I shouldn’t be eating in this way.
Right? One of the biggest things that has that really has helped me shift out of my fixed mindset is that there’s a poem by Arthur Ashe and it goes like this, start where you are. Use what you can with what you got, right? Take an assessment, where are you right you know, instead of trying to swing for the fences, tell yourself it’s okay if I get a base hit. And for those of you who aren’t into sports, I apologize. But sports really work.
This is just step one, I ask you how’s your attitude?
Stay tuned part 2 is coming in a few days.
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