I really want to get into MINDSET today because, for so many people, it is this big nebulous thing, this buzzword that can really trip you many women up. I like to think of mindset like an onion. There are so many dang layers to it. So many layers that need to be unpeeled and unpacked to help you get to why you are not getting the results you want or why you aren’t making the changes in your life you want to make! I always hear from women, “I know what to do but I am not doing it, or I am doing it, or what I’m doing is not giving me the results I want.” Many women come to me, and they are confused, frustrated, and downright broken because they have been doing it “right” and still nothing. Still no results. Still, the scale isn’t moving, and their body isn’t changing. And they are SOOOO ready to just give up. It all comes down to our mindset, so let’s start peeling that mindset onion ladies!
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The diet industry causes us to have a fixed mindset. If you want to go deeper there is a book called Mindset by Carol Dweck. This is the holy grail of mindset books. And in this book, she took the mindset out of the clinical space and brought it into the mainstream space! She describes that there is a growth mindset and a fixed mindset, and I believe the diet industry has caused us to have a fixed mindset!
With a fixed mindset, you believe that things in your life are the way they are, you can lose the weight or not. So many of us feel that if we have failed at a diet, it is clearly me! If someone else has success, it’s because they are lucky, they have better genes than you do… I have been there, I have been caught in that fixed mindset and it wasn’t until I took a deeper dive into my mindset did I realize how fixed my mindset was when it came to diet and exercise.
And I needed to change that.
This podcast came up because I started a new program called Metabolic Recharge and was having a conversation with the members. I love starting new programs because I get a lot of great questions and topics to talk about on the podcast! And this made me start to think about why people are NOT able to move forward. What keeps them in this box. What kept me in that same box? So here are the 4 Mindsets that I truly believe are keeping women stuck.
1) Rigidity: Telling yourself this is the way it has to be in order to get results, these are the rules that I must follow.
2) Resistance: I did this, and it worked, so I should keep going back to this even if it doesn’t’ work in the long term. Resistance to a change.
3) Respect: Not respecting how long the process takes or giving. Not giving yourself boundaries around your time.
4) Release: Giving yourself some grace. Allowing yourself to fail and see it more as a learning that a permanent flaw.
So, let’s dive deeper into each one, shall we!
This is you telling yourself it has to be hard. It is the only way to get results, and this is the way it has to be. I must struggle. I must give up certain foods. There are a lot of rules you have created or feel that you must follow to get your results. These rules also come with a lot of self-imposed structure as well. So… To break free of this…
Ask yourself, what are you trying to achieve? What are you actually chasing? What is that goal? Can you create a range?
These are chronic dieters! Not pointing fingers because I too, was a chronic dieter, so I know what it is like! You tell yourself, this is the way it has to be, all or nothing. Your workouts have to look a certain way, a certain duration, and there has to be a certain amount of exercise in my workouts. You must eat 5 meals a day and I can’t have starch and good fats together! Even though the plans aren’t following isn’t working you feel that since you’ve had success in the past you must continue to follow. Resistance and rigidity are very much linked together.
You are nervous because you know that it worked in the past, but there is no guarantee it is going to work for us in the future! Let’s be honest with each other, here is a REASON why you stopped that diet in the past… Right???? So, find your sweet spot and show up for what’s up. This will mean experimenting with your workouts, nutrition etc.
This summer I am doing a 66-day experiment to help you try several things. You’re your opportunity to change things up, see what happens. Experiment with something new. Give it a shot and if it doesn’t work after 66 days then go back to what you were doing. And I know there may be hesitation but what is it going to hurt? You may become consistent and see changes?? Consistency is boring, I get it. But that is BECAUSE IT WORKS!! Do you have friction? Am I adding more steps that will cause me not to do it?
You need to respect for your body. You need to respect our time. That means you NEED to create boundaries.I know for a lot of women this is a very challenging thing. So, you have to go with our gut. If your gut doesn’t feel right with a nutrition and workout plan, then it may not be for you.
Set my boundaries and say to myself, this is what I am going to stick with. These are my non-negotiables; these are the things health-wise I know I can do day in and day out. Pick non-negotiables that MAKE YOUR LIFE HAPPY! If it slows down your results a little, so be it! If it makes you happy, don’t sweat it! Do you have boundaries around those things so we can get ourselves off that diet hamster wheel?
You need to start to release the rules! Think of ourselves as quality vs duration. Look at the quality of a workout vs the duration of the workout. Remove the friction and you always have a choice. Get into the Good, Better, Best mentality. What is a good outcome for you? What is a better outcome and what is the best outcome for you?
– Example workouts for me:
– A Good week, 3 workouts in a week.
– A Better week, 4 workouts in a week.
– Best week, 5 workouts in a week.
9 times out of 10, I can get 5 workouts in but sometimes life happens, and I can’t get that in in a week. And with this mindset and mentality, I am OKAY WITH THAT! Stop getting caught up in the harder is better and the struggle is real! It doesn’t have to be this way, because this way leads to burnout.
If you’re feeling stuck, go back through and see where you are stuck. Are you feeling like you have to be so rigid you have to follow these rules? Are you resistant to changing things up? Are you not respecting your body, time, and pace you are able to go at this moment in time? Do you need to start to release and let go of some of these things?
How do we go about changing this? Ladies, change is possible. But you have to make peace with our pace people!! In my Stress Free Summer, I have 3 levels, what pace are you going to be able to stick with?
You have to start telling yourself a different story. Stop telling yourself you have to get there fast. The weight didn’t come on fast so it’s not going to come off fast!! What is coming up for you when you hear this? Be open to exploring different things and learning from our mistakes.
Mel Robbins who came up with the 5-second rule. And she says, give yourself 5 seconds to do something. She gave herself 5 seconds to get out of bed to work out and would countdown from 5 to get up. How can you start giving yourself that 5-second rule when we start to make these shifts?
Set smaller goals. So many people want to lose 30 pounds in 30 days, and I say I am not the girl for you! 30 pounds in 90 days, not the girl for you. 30 pounds in 6 months… ok! I am leaning in! I can help you at that pace, because I know that weight is NOT coming back on!. Together we work at a pace that is sustainable and realistic. You learn to work at a pace that you will continue to be excited about and can make a plan for the rest of your life. Here is where you commit to learning. How to go through the motions and fall in love with the process. Because if it sucks you will not want to do it!!
Learn from our failures. I am a reflective coach and I always ask how the week went and my clients and that is when it tends to get really black and white. So, let’s expand and learn from our mistakes. Let’s see how things went and investigate what went well and what didn’t. This is so that you can make modifications. If you keep doing the same crap over and over again, you will get the same results!!! NOTHING will change. Really start thinking about making assessments. Assessing isn’t wallowing. Assessing is looking at what happens when you do certain things. It helps you to make better, more informed decisions about you. Investigate than modify!!
Structured Flexibility. These rules and boxes keep us so contained that it’s really hard to break free from them. That is why I created the non-negotiables and if I can do these 3 things every day I am on the right path! You can learn from your failures once you start to assess, investigate and modify with your structured flexibility and this is where your non-negotiables come in big time with your health and weight. Once you do this, you can start to create these basic templates and shift them based on what is going on in our lives.
This is not about being perfect, because being perfect suckkssss!!! We all have fatal flaws and life will always come out at us. But I absolutely love seeing the mindset shift my clients get while working with me. It is ok to have the hot fudge sundae and say tomorrow is a new day! Do you have a fixed mindset when it comes to diets? And where are you in that fixed mindset?
I have given you the 4 mindsets of a desperate dieter.
1. Rigid. This is how it has to be in order for me to get results.
2. Resistance. Even though it’s not working, you still want to freaking do it.
3. Respect. Respect for where you are. What is your pace, and how much time do you have?
4. Release. Release that it is going to take time. Release that I have to set some boundaries and I have to give myself some breaks.
We all want to have that day… but how do we keep that day from snowballing!? How do we keep that day from just blowing up in our faces? How do we adjust our mindsets to prevent this? To prevent giving up on ourselves. To help us move forward with doing something we love and loving our bodies in return!
Mel Robbins – 5 Second Rule:
Mel Robbins: 5 Second Rule
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success By Carol Dweck
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