I want to talk about rebirth. Here in New England we’ve had a pretty tough spring and it’s been raining, and you know that old saying that April showers bring May flowers, well we’ve had some April and May rain and now the flowers are blooming and it’s taking that time to kind of rebirth the summer. I know that most of us on January first, we think that’s the rebirth. Starting kind of at the end of December we’re all like, “Hey, the next year, it’s going to be my year, I’m going to be the biggest, the best, the awesomest”, the whatever-est person on the planet. And then March comes around, then April comes around, and then, “Should I try’ Should I even bother’ Is it worth it'” Here is where I say we all get a chance to press the reboot button, and probably the last several years I’ve started this whole thing of July is the new January, because if you think about it we’re six months into the year, so there’s still plenty of time to get stuff done. There’s still plenty of time for you to look back at what you said on January first when you had all that vim and vigor to say, “I got this, I can do it.”
Pack Your Patience
I want to talk about how do you press the reboot button and not feel like this big old failure, how do you press the reboot button and NOT bite off more than you can chew. One of the biggest things I see all the time is that we all underestimate how long something is going to take. In your head you’re like, “I’m going to lose 30 pounds, it’s really going to take me like 30 days because I’m going to lose a little pound a day, yeah that’s what’s going to happen.” And logically we know that ain’t the case, but emotionally we’re like, “I want these 30 pounds gone, and I want them gone right freaking now.”
I’m the same way. I have the patience of a gnat, and I always tell my clients, “Hey, I’m telling you this right now that you’re going to have to pack your patience.” And I know that is hard, that’s harder than climbing Everest and I know what that feeling is like because I have zero patience. You decide what you want, and you want it tomorrow. 🤷🏽♀️ You might wait till the end of the week but come on.
No Two-Day Shipping
you’ve heard me say this before, our bodies and fitness aren’t like Amazon
I love me some Amazon Prime, but it has spoiled us because we think that if I order something on Monday, by Friday it’s going to be on my doorstep. And that’s not the case, and it’s really challenging for you to just put out the faith, put out belief that you’ve decided that “I want to get healthier, I want to get fitter, and I have to decide that I’m willing to wait for it.”
way I can describe it is we all want certainty, that’s one of the most basic
human emotions, certainty. If I were to stand up, I am certain that gravity is
going to keep me from flying off the face of the earth. And when it comes to
getting healthy and fit, unfortunately there is no certainty. I know that if
you eat less food, if you move your body, if you sleep right you have less
stress, you are going to be well down the road to being healthy and fit,
I know that. Now, what I don’t know is that exact date. I can’t tell you on June 10th how much you’re going to weigh. I can’t tell you on June 10th you’re going to be a size whatever.
I can’t tell you on June 10th that you’re going to have six pack abs. That’s the certainty that I don’t know. But the certainty I do know is that there are certain steps if you take them you will be on the path to getting the results that you want, and that’s what I know.
Everything is a choice
And so, during that rebirth, that reboot, one of the biggest things I always challenge my clients is that it has to start with your mindset, and that mindset starts with your choices. And everything is a choice – you’re either going towards your goals or you’re going against your goals.
I’m not that coach who hands you a list of, your good foods list, and here are your bad foods list. I want this to be a lifestyle because there are going to be times when – this is how I roll, and then there are times that you’re going to go to a certain place and they make a certain thing that you’re like, “You know what’ This is the best whatever, and I’m having it.”
Wegmans! I don’t go to Wegman’s every week. I maybe go every four or five months, but they make the most amazing snickerdoodles; I got to have me one. A snickerdoodle is never going to be on the good foods list, but it’s something I enjoy, it’s something I could have more than three bites of and I could be like, “Yum, yum, give me some MORE.” And it’s a choice, it’s a choice I make. I only go to Wegman’s a handful times a year, I’m going go and I’m going to have a snickerdoodle, and guess what’ I’m having two snickerdoodles, and that’s what it is, it’s my choice.
Now, some people feel the choice has to be restriction, and that restriction just keeps them so bound up, it keeps them always chasing fitness and health. Do you know when someone tells you, you can’t do something’ Doesn’t it make you want to do it more’ Is that just me’
In the past the more I restricted, the more I put myself into this box, the more I want to escape, and when I did escape, I went buck wild. I was a single sailor on shore leave. I am just going to be running wild because I’ve told myself for however long I’ve been able to use my willpower, that I can’t have whatever it is that I want. So, I want you to say, “I own my choices.” And then I also want you to say that you own your habits and you own your patterns.
When it comes
to this reboot, there’s three things that we’re going to work on working on
owning our choices without guilt. When I have that cookie my first thought isn’t
I had that cookie or those two cookies that means I’ve lost it and I might as well just start again on Monday.” No. It’s me saying, “I had these two cookies, and the next meal I will go right back to my plan. I don’t let that one choice define the rest of my day or the rest of my week, or heck, the rest of my month. It was that choice in the moment, I owned it, and then
I moved on.
And that’s where a lot of people get wrapped around the axle, my brain immediately shouts!, “Oh my God, I had those two cookies, so that means I might as well go to McDonald’s and then that means I might as well skip my spin class, and that means I might as well as my client Jessica says release the food hounds!
If you make one off step, one misstep, it doesn’t mean that the rest of day, week or month etc has to be a misstep. Think about if you were walking down the street and you tripped, would you be like, “I tripped” and lay there on the ground wallowing around and say, “Call 911″‘ No. You would get up because you’re embarrassed, you would look around and you would start walking. And that’s exactly what happens when you have those two cookies, or you have that ice cream, or you have whatever it is that you have, that’s what you do, you dust yourself off and you get up and you move on. And so, the same thing comes with your habits and patterns.
Is it worth it’
I have a client who just started with me and she’s like, “I’ve always had cookies before I go to bed”, and I was like, “Okay. Do you think those cookies are helping you towards the goals that you told me'” And she’s like, “No, but it’s a habit.” “Smoking is a habit and you know smoking causes cancer. So, you can decide that you want to continue to smoke and risk it, and maybe you’re one of the few who don’t get cancer. Or you want to continue to have cookies and when you keep asking me, “Hey, I’m not seeing any results”, I’m going to say, “Well, how attached are you to these cookies'”
Now, I’m not ever saying that you can’t have something, but I’m asking you to make educated choices, I’m asking you to take a look at your habits, and are your habits holding you back’ Now, am I going to ever say you can’t have cookies’ No. But I know that if you have cookies every day, your goal is going to leave you in the dust. It’s like a bucket with a hole in it; the water is just going to keep leaking out and you’re just going to be like, “Why can’t it ever fill my bucket'”, because you keep having darn cookies.
question I had for her, “Is this a habit'” and she said yes. I said,
“Now the key is we need to figure out how to replace this habit, how to
break this habit so that you can get out of your own damn way, how to change
the pattern of before you go to bed you need a sweet treat.” So, we’re
exploring and brainstorming different options for her. I was like,
“Do you like tea'” Because there plenty of teas that can give you that sweet sensation.
I was like, “Do you like fruit'” Different healthier options to satisfy that habit until that habit passes. So, I want you to think about those habits and patterns that you might have that aren’t serving you.
Bottom line, if you want to lose weight, if you want to get healthier, you have to eat healthier and you have to exercise, bottom line. And I know there are so many people out there that tell you, “If you do this particular diet, you’ll never have to exercise”, or “If you do this particular exercise, you’ll never have to diet.” Well, let me just tell you, when you combine exercise and fitness together, you’ll get to your goal a lot faster than if you try to do one without the other.
If the queen isn’t happy…
Jack LaLanne, he’s the king of modern fitness, his motto and it’s true: fitness is king, nutrition is queen. Now, we all know the saying, “If the queen is not happy, the house isn’t happy.” So, if your nutrition isn’t happy, your body is not happy. And you know firsthand when you eat something that your body doesn’t like it feel like crap, and you sleep like crap and you just know when your body is just not getting what it needs, you’re dragging around like a fricking tire. Your health is like an albatross around your neck and you’re just like you’ve got to get out of this death spiral.
It’s all starts with the way you think. If you think that you have to give stuff up, then guess what, it’s always going to be a slog, and I don’t want it to be a slog. And that’s the first thing is that we always think, “I’m going on a diet, so here is the list of don’ts.” What if you flipped it around and you said, “What are the list of dos’'”
The first thing I do when you work with me is that I look at your nutrition, and I’ll tell you the two things I see always missing from people. If you started with these two things versus all the things you want to cut, imagine you might feel a little happier. You might feel a little more accomplished because I want you to feel accomplished.
I’m a geek, and I am one of those geeks that I write down my to-do list every single day, and I love it when I get to check boxes, boom, boom, boom, and the more boxes I check the more I’m like 🙌🏽 it’s awesome, I’m ecstatic.
That’s what I want you to do with fitness. For me, I work out in the morning, and that’s one box that I can check off in the morning and by 8:00am I’m like, “You know what, the day can do whatever it wants to do to me today, I’ve done one thing for myself, check the box, I win.” That’s the feeling I want for you, and it’s those little box checks that add up and make your day and makes you motivated, makes you excited to want to do it again so you get more box checks.
Don’t break the chain
And I’ve told you the story and I’m going to continue to tell you the story because it is so motivating. So many people tell me, “I don’t have motivation.” I say bullshit. Jerry Seinfeld, he’s a comedian, and so when he first started out as a comedian, he knew that in order to go to all these different open mic nights he had to have a whole catalog of jokes. He challenged himself that every single day he’d write a joke, every day. Back then there was no iPhone, so he bought a calendar and a big red marker, and every day he wrote a joke he put a giant X, every day. He made this mantra to himself, “Don’t break the chain.” And every day he put that big X, and the days that he didn’t write a joke he saw that glaring hole of where he didn’t write a joke. And it was a couple days he had that string, but then he also started to get momentum, the more he did it, the more it felt comfortable, the easier it became and the more the jokes flowed out. And then next thing you know, he had this whole catalog of joke so that no matter where he went, he could go out and have enough jokes. I don’t know how long a comedy set is, but he’d have enough jokes. And he also had enough jokes to move things around so that if a joke didn’t work the way he wanted it to work he could put it in the hopper to rewrite.
Consistency is key
Back in January, I took that principle for myself and I started logging my food. And every day I would log my food, and I use this app called The Today app. Everyday I tracked my food you see a green mark, and every time that I didn’t track my food you see a white mark. For me this is super motivating. I had a good streak going a couple weeks ago, and then I kind of fell on my sword, but it shows me the power of consistency. I talk to a lot of people they always are like, “How do I get results’ How do I get results'” Lean in, here is the secret, it’s consistency. And this app on my phone is really helpful for that consistency because when I see those holes in it, “I’m like you know what, I could’ve done better that day”, and it’s not in a ‘beat the shit out of myself’ kind of way, it’s more in a what was it about that day that I couldn’t track, that for two days in a row I couldn’t track, what was it that happened’ And then I can play CSI, and ask where could I have made better choices. I encourage all of my clients to create a weekly plan or at a minimum of a 24 hour plan, this way you go into the day with a sense of control.
Work the middle
This keeps my mindset from saying “I stink”, now I ask myself, “How can I be better’ How can I improve'” And that’s where I want you guys to start putting your mind, I want you to start thinking, “How do I improve’ How do I get better’ How do I take myself to the next level'” I’m not asking you to be perfect, I’m not asking to be four levels up in one week; I’m asking you to say if you’re here, how do you take it to the next step’ And then once you’ve mastered that step, how to take it to the next step, because what I see is a lot of you miss the middle.
The middle is mushy, the middle is gross, the middle is sloggy, the middle can feel like quicksand. But it’s the middle that gives you fortitude, it’s the middle that shows you what you’re made of, it’s the middle that tests the heck out of your patience, it tests the heck out of your desire, and it tests the heck out of your gumption, your gript, whatever you want to call it. That’s the good stuff right there, the middle.
When you’re just kind of going through the forest without any light, that is where you know what you’re made of. I want you to ask what motivates you, because it’s taking those actions, and for me, I found today app makes me take those actions because I want to get that check-mark, and no one else sees that check-mark but me.
The Motivation Switch
I hear all the time I’m not motivated; I’ll be very honest with you part of your motivation needs to come from inside. You need to find the internal switch that’s what’s really going to keep you going. That’s why people hire coaches. I am someone who is very externally accountable. If I know I have to show my work to somebody, I am more likely to do it, and some people, they can do that on their own, but if I know that at the end of the day I got to show you it, I want to make sure that I do it because I want to honor my commitments, that’s one of my core values. And maybe that’s one of your core values, and that’s why you hire a coach. A coach isn’t about “do this” kind of thing; a coach is more about giving you that checks and balances piece that you might not have on your own. And without any type of change there is no success.
A lot of times when I’m feeling like I’m in my comfort zone, I always say to myself, “If there is no change, there is no change.” What that means is if I want to make a change in my life, I have to make some other type of change. I can’t sit back in my comfort zone, I can’t continue to do the same thing over and over again and expect to get a different result. I can’t expect to keep walking into that wall and expect that wall to magically dissolve into a door. And that’s what a lot of people will do. One of the things when I kind of feel like I’m stuck is I say to myself, “I have to make a change if I want to see a change.” What change would you have to make’
Now, this change doesn’t have to be huge. I’m not asking you to leap a tall building in a single bound. I’m saying, what is the change’ And remember I told you there are two things I always see when I look at food: protein and the vegetables. Those are the two things I always see. Can you increase your protein intake’ Can you increase your vegetable intake’ They both don’t have to be done at the same time but pick your battles.
The second piece this movement. Now, I’m not saying go and join a bootcamp class and go out and do CrossFit. No, I’m not saying that at all. I’m saying movement, so do you have a Fitbit‘ Do you have something in your phone’ Can you get in at least 10,000 steps a day’
Can you sleep’ Can you make it a priority to set a bedtime’ Those are the things I’m talking about. Can you make it a priority to not be a stress ball’ Those are all contributing factors to losing weight. And at any point did I say, “This is what you can eat, and this is what you can eat”‘ No. I want you to kind of change that mindset and say, “What are some of the subtle changes I can make that will have long-term impact on my life'”
And the big thing is finding someone who will support you. It can be a coach, it could be a really good friend, it could be a spouse, it could be a partner, it could be your mom, it could be anybody, but find someone who’s in your corner. Find someone who is going to support you, find someone who is going to help hold your feet to the fire when you have one of those days. Today is a rainy day and you could be like, “I don’t feel like it.” Have that person that is going to be like, “Well, how many days are you going to not feel like that girl'” Because you want that person to be that friend. I have that friend, we text each other, I’ve talked about it, every Monday we text each other, “This is what I’m doing this week” and every Wednesday we’re like, “What’s up'” I want you to have that person in your life, and if you don’t have that person in your life, hit me up, I have no problem being that person in your life.
Look at the environment that you’re in. Are you in an environment where you might be on social media and you’re following all these people who don’t make you feel good about yourself’ Unfollow, delete, gone. What about TV, are you always watching shows that don’t make you feel good about yourself or that aren’t aspirational, that make you just feel like, “My life stinks”‘
I want you to find things that fill you up emotionally, spiritually, make you laugh. I don’t want you to look at things that make you feel like crap because you’ve got enough of that in your life. And that’s all part of changing that mindset, that’s all part of letting go of that control and just letting more flow, honoring where you are, because that’s where the change begins. If I honor where I am, if I say to myself, “I’m a beginner, it is what it is, and in order to get to advance (because again, we talked about that messy middle) it’s okay to be a beginner.”
Everyone has to begin somewhere, and I want you to find someone who you aspire to be, but do not let where they are influence where you are. I can’t remember who said this (but it wasn’t me) but it says success leaves clues. For my clients my goal is to be inspirational, not aspirational. I want them to say, “Kim takes these steps, out of the 10 steps she takes, right now I can only do these three steps, and I’m going to be comfortable and confident in these three steps. And once I’m good at these three steps, then I can think about taking more steps.” Like I said, I want to go back, and I want to check off those boxes, I want to feel awesome about myself. And I want you to know that yes, there are going to be struggles, there are going to be setbacks, but at the end of the day if I keep chipping away these little small marks, I will eventually hit my goals. And it’s completely possible, it’s completely possible for you to do that.
Stay tuned I have a new podcast coming out and I can’t wait to share with you even more goodies, get on the waitlist here