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The Secret To Finding Your Happiness

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I think this blog is going to resonate with you… And if you haven’t listened to the podcast, I recommend going and listening to it after you read this. My guest Shannon Connery Ph.D., she is relatable on so many levels. Many women can identify with her story and what she has gone through.. How do you find a happier and healthier life? What do you do to get there and really truly be both of those things? What is going on in your life that is stopping you from getting to that point? Shannon is helping women to find these things in their life. To truly be happy and healthy and live the life they want and deserve.

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Shannon Connery, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and is the creator of the PACE, a course that helps individuals live healthier happier lives.

I wanted Shannon on this show to help you break out of the cycle of wanting more and needing more in life, then when you get what you’ve been striving for, it doesn’t make you happy. The “unwritten” rulebook says you have to look a certain way or be skinnier or some skin tones are better than others, or bigger big boobs, etc. Whatever rule book you think you follow you know what it is. The other rule book relates to money, you want to have it… but more does money really make you happier.

So, what can we do in our lives to help us stop wanting more and looking for more and just living in the moment? Be happy with what we have and find joy in that, find peace in that, find comfort and the feeling of enough in that?

Like many of us, Shannon was in her 30s and thought that she needed to find a partner to provide her with things she subconsciously thought she needed to complete her. She thought she needed to find a partner to give her children and support her financially. But she wasn’t listening to her gut instincts, she was going off what she thought she was supposed to have While she did see red flags in her partner’s life she thought it would be ok and manageable. Flash forward a few years later and her world fell apart. She had the kids, she had the house in the mountains and in the city, her kids went to private school, only had to work part-time, had a personal trainer, and thought that life was perfect and how it should be..

Then one day it wasn’t…

One day, out of nowhere, her husband lost her medical license, they had no money for any of the houses and she had to find a place to live with her and her kids. And she had to figure everything out for herself.

She can say 10 years later that it was the best thing to ever happen to her. Shannon had to face EVERY FEAR she ever had. She had to dig deep and take ownership of what had happened. “What did I do to create a life that just fell apart?”

That is when Shannon started digging into happiness literature and became obsessed with the concept of truly being happy. Who are we as an individual and what truly makes people happy? And the first thing is we have to rip the rule books up! Rip them up and throw them away! What we believe we can do, we can do!

From this came PACE. PACE stands for Pleasure, Accomplishments, Connection, and Exercise. She created this to help inspire happiness in her own life and then wanted to move outward and help others do the same. “PACE can help you improve your health and empower you to become the best version of yourself possible.”

Pleasure. What gives you pleasure? Is it a sunset or laying in a hammock with a good book? Or maybe drinking your coffee in peace and quiet or drinking it out on a patio looking at your garden? Pleasure is something that serves nothing in our lives, but we all know we are watching something amazing while we are there in that moment enjoying it. We don’t value pleasure as a culture in America and it’s the reason so many people are burnt out and working too many hours. So, when it comes to this, I challenge you to add 1 thing of pleasure every day. But what exactly does pleasure do for us? It brings us to the present moment!

Accomplishments. We are a culture of accomplishment mentality. You can sleep when you are dead or the more you are doing the better. And this will actually go hand in hand with money. Hand in hand with money. The more we are earning the more we have right?
We need to find the balance between low-level accomplishments and medium-level accomplishments. (This goes for projects you want to do that take a lot of time and energy.) Then high-level accomplishments are the big things people will do like, writing a book, starting a podcast, raising your kids from 0-18. It is nice to have a balance of the 3 and a need to do more high-level accomplishments.

Connection. As the bottom dropped out for me, I could not believe who didn’t show up. There are different types of connections that we have in our lives. We are tribal people and throughout history had to live and be in groups. It is so important to have a safe supportive group that inspires you, you don’t feel put down and you don’t have to act a certain way to be in that group. So many of us are a part of a group but you don’t feel that connection, but you stay to check that box. Find people, it doesn’t have to be many, to really form a deeper connection with and have that relationship really mean something to you and them.

Exercise. I really started to understand the power of movement through all of this in my life. I had looked at exercise as a means to physical results and to look a certain way.
But then I started to look at movement as the thing our bodies were meant to do, that we need to do to feel good. Lack of movement and anxiety, go hand in hand. Lack of movement and depression, go hand in hand. It is a known fact, so if you are feeling this, try moving! Try moving your body more than 5,000 steps a day, because anything less than that will trigger anxiety and depression. Plus, moving over that will just overall make you feel better! As part of being happy, non-burned-out women in this world, you have to move your body.

Find some way to move your body with joy and get in those 10,000 steps because trust me, you will feel better! And please do not say you don’t have time. Because you can find the time if you really wanted to. Get up and dance for 2-3 minutes, go for a walk around the block a few times. Walk up and down your stairs over and over again. Find something that you enjoy and want to do. If it feels like a grind it’s gonna be a grind. If it brings you joy you are going to love doing it!!

PACE can change your life from the inside out. “The value behind everything and the why changed in my life…” – Shannon

This shift gives us guidelines and boundaries in our lives. Because female empowerment has to do with taking more responsibility than you think you deserve. Do the work and like it! Taking personal responsibility is a radical concept for a lot of people. We think that everything is outside of us, or we take it all on. “If I was a better wife, I could have stopped him from drinking or drugs.” Do you take that on or was it he and you don’t take ownership? OR you say, well I picked him, and I knew going into it that he was an addict and had struggles?

How do you approach your clients who think what they are doing is not enough?
If someone is driven in a place like that, there are often times of fear there. If they are in a happy place, they are not in my office or your office, right? If they are in my office and they start to feel things about not going 100 miles per hour, or they are going to miss out on stuff. That is their fear. We are a culture teaching kids to never rest. There is a fear there, and when you get to that fear, “What would happen if you stopped moving so fast?”, you will find out that fear has a lot of power. You break the fear by knowing that fear and stating that fear. We all have fears, but it’s so needed to find those fears and call them out!

Fear-based decisions are not good decisions and if you are doing too much, you are making fear-based decisions.

Shannon realized that when life resets you, it can be such a great opportunity to learn.
Regrouping the questions and questioning things that so much can happen. You don’t have to go through a disaster to reset though, you can just do it because you feel that it is the right time to do it.

Really take a look at it though…
Do I have 8 or so friends in my community and are they helping me live my best life?
Is my job something I enjoy doing? Am I excited and feel accomplished there? Do I dread it? Can you do something different? Am I doing things for myself during the day that I enjoy and bring me pleasure? Am I moving my body every single day? How am I feeling when I do this every day?

Also ask yourself these questions: What is missing in your life?
1. Are you missing pleasure?
2. Are you missing accomplishments?
3. Are you missing a connection?
4. Are you missing exercise?
If you take the next 30 days to focus on 1, what would it be? And ADD SOMETHING THAT FEELS LIKE JOY! 10-15 minutes a day even and I know that your happiness will go up.

Magic makers…. Find balance, find PACE in your life so that we are not always going balls to the wall or starving, and we can actually take time to take care of ourselves and truly be happy!

LINKS

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/kimbarnesjeffersoncoach

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic/

Website: https://www.kimbarnesjefferson.com/

Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fit-girl-magic-healthy-living-for-women-over-40/id1476883661

Reboot and Refocus
https://kimbarnesjefferson.lpages.co/rebootandrefocus_waitlist
It will be a 3-part success series that will help you change how you think about food and exercise so that you can –to enjoy life without guilt or regret!

PACE program 
PACE- https://pace-academy-by-shannon-connery-phd.teachable.com/p/home

How to get in touch with Shannon Connery

https://www.shannonconnery.com/

https://www.shannonconnery.com/podcast

https://www.facebook.com/sconneryphd

https://www.instagram.com/thehappinessgain/

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