Ladies… Guess what this is all about… Well, I am pretty sure you can read the title, so you guessed right. S E X! And boy have I been wanting to talk about this for a while now! Now, we aren’t talking about your in-school sex ed… But instead, but married sex life, and either you cannot keep your hands off your partner, or they just don’t do it for you anymore! And to help us talk about this and this week’s guest, Dr. Kristie Overstreet will help us work through this! And she is pretty amazing at what she does!
- You can be stress free even if you are a stress ball|117
- Strategy: The Secret To Weight Loss| 116
- The Secret To Finding Your Happiness| 115
- Client Testimonial: Even Coaches Need A Coach|114
- Are You Ready To Improve Your Sex Life | 113
- Accountability Is The Key To Weight Loss Success|112
- Tips About AGING PARENTS You Need To Know| 111
- Client testimonial: Are you ready to have more energy? |110
- Are You Ready To Become Consistent With Your Health| 109
- Are You Ready To Dominate Your Weight Loss Fundamentals| 108
- Changing Your Mindset Can Help You Easily Lose Weight|107
- Setting boundaries is the key to finding balance| 106
- Are You Ready To Take Control Of Your Struggling Marriage| 105
- are you ready to focus on your weight loss| 104
- Here's What To Do To Build Confidence, Faith and Belief|103
- Why You Need To Practice Patience To Achieve Your Goals|102
- If You Hate Cooking Its Time To Start Creating Automatic Meals|101
- There Will Always Be Challenges To Overcome| 100
- Are You Ready To Get Out Of Your Own Way| 99
- Start Losing Weight Taking These 2 Steps|98
- Here is What You Should Do For Injury Prevention |97
- You're About To Discover The Keys to Sustainable Weight Loss|96
- Breathwork It's Easy If You Do Just Start | 95
- Are You Ready To Bust Your Weight Loss Plateau? |94
- The Secrets Your Fitness Personality Reveal About How To Lose Weight |93
- There are 5 stages to change your unhealthy behaviors| 92
- Weight Loss Principles Are Easy If You Just Do It Smart|91
- To Women Over 40 Who Want To Beat Life Challenges But Can't Get Started |90
- What Every Women Needs to Know About Toxic Relationships|89
- Who Else Wants To Be Consistent With Their Health? |88
- How a 40 something quickly and easily loses weight| 87
- How do You Shift Your Hardcore Fitness Identity| 86
- How Your Mindset Improves Your Body|85
- Your Key To Fitness Success: Movement| 84
- are your healthy living rules are affecting your progress| 83
- Are You Ready For A Mindset Overhaul?| 82
- Yes You Can Learn To Eat Intuitively | 81
- How to Really Start To Use Accountability For Your Health|80
- The Secrets To Tracking Your Food | 79
- Who Else Wants To Be Successful With TALKING TO Their DAUGHTER about dieting | 78
- To Women Who Want To Lose Weight But Canâ€™t' Get Started| 76
- Who else wants to balance their hormones naturally | 76
- What's One Thing I Wish I Knew When I Started Working Out |75
- Boost Your Habits With These Tips
- Do You Want To Eat A More Plant Based Diet| 74
- Are You Ready To Reset Your Wellness | 72
- Are you tired of overeating? Do You want to find food freedom? | 72
- Don't Just Sit There Start using these 4 Pillars Of Weight Loss|70
- How To Do Self Care And Not Feel Guilty| 70
- Strength Training Myths Women Over 40 Need To Stop Believing| 69
- Who Else Wants To Know The Mystery Behind Pelvic Floor? | 68
- Here's What Every 40-Something Needs To Know About Strength Training| 67
- The Secret To Overcoming Adversity| 66
- Crush Your Cravings
- How To Create A Healthy Routine In A New Normal | 64
- Who Else Wants To Know The Mystery Behind Self Trust| 63
- Ways to change your behavior that virtually no one knows about|62
- Alcohol and Weight Loss How To Keep It Simple |61
- Healing Your Relationship With Food | 60
- Can you jumpstart your metabolism| 59
- Quick and Easy Ways To Beat Burnout | 58
- Why Your Really Need Courage | 57
- The Power Of A Daily Routine| 56
- You Are Your Habits | 55
- Stop Spinning Your Wheels And Start Practicing Patience|54
- The Secrets To Living A Lean Life | 53
- Adults Friends Made Easy What You Need To Know| 51
- What Does Taking Radical Responsibility Really Mean| 51
- Are You Ready to Get and Keep Your Fitness Motivation?|50
- Are You Ready To Break Up With Overtraining? |49
- Apply These Techniques To Increase Your Hydration | 48
- You Are Divorced Now What | 47
- Are You Ready To Have A Good Night Sleep | 45
- What The Heck Are Essential Oils|44
- The Best Ways to Streamline Your Nutrition |42
- 10 Habits Holding You Back From Success| 42
- What You Need to Know About Meal Prep| 46
- What You Need To Know About Self Discipline |41
- Don't Be Fooled You Do Need An Estate Plan | 40
- What You Really Need To Know About Self-Care | 39
- Is it time to question your relationship with alcohol | 38
- how to easily get your act together and be healthy|37
- How To Dethrone Your Inner Mean Girl | 36
- How It's Possible To Be Healthier In 90 Days |35
- Why REPS Is The Only Skill You Really Need| 34
- Want A Healthier Life? Focus On Mindset | 33
- How To Break Up With Body and Food Obsession | 32
- How To Explore Spirituality |31
- 9 Reasons Why You Are Stuck and WhatÂ ToÂ Do About It| 30
- Are You Ready To Stop Dating Mr. Wrong | 29
- Apply These Tips To Master Your Nutrition | 28
- The Power Of Quality Movement | 27
- 4 Alternatives To Dieting |26
- How To Own Your Body and Your Style | 25
- Are You Ready For Life To Feel Effortless | 24
- Creating A Wellness Vision That Gets Results | 23
- How To Start Keeping It Real | 22
- The Ugly Truth About The Pill | 21
- Easy Ways to CRUSH the Year End Slump| 20
- How To Follow Your Travel Dreams
- Secrets To Beginning Exercise Quickly And Efficiently | 18
- Who Else Wants To Figure Out Menopause | 16
- Now You Can Discover Secret Ways To Stop Stressing That You Won't Hear Anywhere Else | 15
- To Women Who Want To Learn Healthy Discipline | 14
- A New Way To Create Success | 13
- Want Big Results Build Small Healthy Habits | 12
- 7 Steps To Getting Healthy And Staying On Track
- Food Has No Control Over You | 10
- Are You Ready To Pay Off Debt Without Struggling?
- To Women Who Want To Live More Mindfully, But Can't Get Started | 8
- What Every Momma Needs To Know About Being An Empty Nester | 7
- The Secret To Effortless Weightloss Revealed | 6
- To Women Who Are Too Busy To Get Healthy | 5
- What Every Women Ought To Know About Moderation | 4
- Discover The Secrets To Healing Metabolic Damage with Natalie Newhart |3
- Easiest Way To Create Lasting Habits | 2
- What is Fit Girl Magic
- Being a Healthy 40 Something Today with Esther Blum|1
- LIve Coaching Call: Food Teleconference
- Fabulous Fit Squad Book Review -- Why Diets Are Failing Us
- 50 Ways to Soothe Without Food
- Little Book Of Thin -- Fabulous Fit Squad
- Can I Be A Yummy Mummy?
- Hungry For Change
- Fabulous Fit Squad -- Cavewomen Don't Get Fat
- Book Review: Crazy Sexy Diet
Dr. Kristie is a clinical sexologist, psychotherapist, and author of Fix Yourself First: 25 Tips to Stop Ruining Your Relationships and host of the Fix Yourself First podcast. Her mission is to help people improve their relationships by first focusing on the most important relationship they have, the one with themselves so that they are empowered to create the lives they deserve.
Dr. Kristie created the Ideal Intimacy Method program to help women get emotional and physical intimacy without sacrificing their needs. Dr. Kristie is the founder of the Therapy Department, a virtual wellness practice that provides counseling, coaching, and consulting throughout the world.
Most people don’t talk about sex because they feel like it’s just taboo…. They don’t talk about it with friends and they sure as hell don’t talk with their partners. We are afraid to talk about it because of that Internal fear of not being good enough, not doing enough, or maybe you are not showing up enough. Plus, relationships can bring up a lot of uncertainty, fear, and not being worthy enough. Does any of this sound familiar to you?
Can it be only women that feel this way? It’s definitely an area where men are so misunderstood as well. We have this perception that men want it all the time and never have a problem performing until they are much older.
But guess what ladies, there are so many things that men want to talk about and address and discuss with their partners, but they too have their own fears and self-esteem struggles when it comes to sex. Hey ladies, we are not alone.
I get it.. You don’t want to be wrong when it comes to sex, but somethings have just changed. Some of you have been with your spouses since your 20’s and now you are in our 40’s and things are soooo different. You are different, you may have changed because you are human and have evolved and let’s face it we are all constantly changing!
Between stress, work, kids, aging parents, hormones, our bodies changing, our libido, and sex drive change, or what you are into is changed. We change! And some of you just might not really be too into what you were when we were in your 20’s.
So, for example, we are going to use Bob as example, not to say this doesn’t haven’t in the LBGTQ community as well! Let’s say Bob used to blow your hair back with what he used to do, but now… that doesn’t quite do it for you. NOW you are like, “Bob, you do that one more time like that, I am going to kill you!” How do you talk to Bob about saying that is not my thing anymore?
First you want to make sure you have that conversation in a non-accusatory manner, pointing fingers, or triggering differences when you discuss what is going on. Dr. Kristie wants to make this crystal clear; this does not mean they won’t get defensive. But there is a way you can say this in a very healthy way. So, approaching it like, “I have been thinking about this and I want to try something different. I want to try some things that are different in the bedroom, and I think that we need to change things up a bit and you deserve to know this. How does that sound to you?”
Bring up these conversations so you are not waiting, and it is stacking on your feelings. And then building resentment… If you keep that anger towards them turned inwards, you are going to explode. Because there are 2 types of people. Everything is my fault, or I rock, and you suck! If I am that woman that always says it’s my responsibility to make sure we have this amazing sex life. Who defines what makes an amazing sex life?
Another thing… We tend to get caught up in numbers. I should have sex this many times a week, month, year. Listen, I don’t know who is counting or what that number is supposed to be. That number is stuck in your head that if you aren’t hitting this number something is wrong. And this is so false. You are constantly striving to be “normal” but what really is normal? What is normal sex? How often SHOULD we be having sex? But the real question should go something like, how often WOULD you want to have sex?
This is where you and your partner need to collaborate on that. The focus has to be on quality and enjoyment. Not quantity of numbers. What do you get out of it vs we did the act?
This is very similar to fitness, right? We grow up and are so focused on the scale or size of the pants. Magic size magic number… But really there are so many women that hit their goal weight and then wonder is this it? They didn’t enjoy the journey and It’s not enough for them. This is the same as having sex 3 times a week for some women. They are saying, I can’t keep up and I am not enjoying it and I am getting resentful because every time I say no there is a problem! That the focus is on the number vs the QUALITY.
Let’s talk about enjoyment. How do you bring up that conversation of enjoyment?
How do I bring it to scale back the number of times you do it, how do you both find enjoyment in sex? Focus on seeing physical intimacy and physical connection, sex as one of those physical intimacies as a buffet approach. There are all different things on the buffet, a little bit of everything. And we can approach sex this way and say I am not really in the mood for this; however, can we try this instead. I know I can get my head into this because of the day I have had.
If you approach sex more as collaboration and partnership, you are more likely to enjoy pleasure if it’s not monotonous. If you have that openness to say what you are not in the mood for, hopefully, the person goes with you and works with you on that. Hopefully, there is no pushback. Because collaboration is where both people show up as themselves and are open and honest, and they speak up for their needs and listen to their partner’s needs will be a much easier relationship.
How do I start this conversation?
Alright….. So, it is time to have a conversation with your partner, and the best approach is the timing. You need to have time and be in the right space to discuss it. But try not to make it more than it has to be. Sex should be fun and enjoyable; it shouldn’t be hard to talk about. Start the conversation by saying, “I am really struggling with this, and I want to talk to you about it. Are you open to me talking about a couple of things with you? You don’t have to talk, just listen. This is a little hard for me to talk about, so I am just giving you a heads up, so please be patient with me.”
By doing this you are setting your partner up to sit back and go into receive mode.
“Hey, you know what, I’ve not been really enjoying where things are at. I don’t want to make an assumption, but I don’t know if you’re enjoying it either. But can we talk about how we both can maybe even enjoy it even more because I want you to experience pleasure, I want to experience pleasure.”
A lot of women get this wrong because they tend to think their partner wants more numbers of sex. And honestly, some of them just want QUALITY sex over numbers.
Are there other ways you can show or still make sure that your spouse is loved and admired instead of just sex?
Guess what…. There are 12 different types of intimacy and sex is just 1 of the 12!
1. Sexual Intimacy: Sharing passion and physical pleasuring
2. Emotional Intimacy: Being tuned to each other’s wavelength
3. Intellectual Intimacy: Closeness in the world of ideas
4. Aesthetic Intimacy: Sharing experience of beauty
5. Creative Intimacy: Sharing in acts of creating together
6. Recreational Intimacy: Relating in experiences of fun and play
7. Work Intimacy: Closeness of sharing common tasks
8. Crisis Intimacy: Closeness in coping with problems and pain
9. Conflict Intimacy: Facing and struggling with differences
10. Commitment Intimacy: Mutually derived from common self-interest
11. Spiritual Intimacy: Unity shared in religious expression
12. Communication Intimacy: Mutual understanding and affirmation
We have to work on getting these intimacy needs met and not just focus on sex being met because these are just as important.
Gary Chapman wrote a book called – 5 Love Languages and I highly recommend you read the book and you will definitely know which one is yours. It is a truly eye-opening book. ]
I love talking about boundaries and in this topic, they are no exception. Boundaries are how we teach people how to treat us, right? We teach them that boundaries are this Invisible, electric fence. How close they can get physically and emotionally and how far they can stay away. These boundaries teach them this and you have to teach them.
What are the boundaries in these parts of ourselves? When we learn that it is our responsibility to put those boundaries out there, we can then speak up about it. If you struggle to say no to people who make demands on your time, your money, and demands in your life, you will have less time to spend on that relationship. Or are you giving everyone more attention than your partner? Really stop and take a look at this.
Listen, ladies, you deserve to have a happy and fulfilling relationship. Many people don’t buy into the deserving part that this is just how it is. You think that you are not a priority, here is my list and I am at the bottom! You deserve to have 5 minutes for yourself.
Many of us don’t think we are good enough that we don’t deserve it or that we haven’t done enough to deserve this. By not having boundaries, we don’t teach people our time is important. We think if we do something for ourselves or try to take care of ourselves that it is selfish. When you don’t take that time, you are going to blow up on people, then guilt, then bad mom or wife feelings. It is about prevention vs. reaction!
So now that you are ready to do something for yourself, how about looking into this intimacy program that Dr. Kristie has that can truly help you fulfill your needs and take care of you!
Dr. Kristie’s program is called the Ideal Intimacy Method. Where she will guide you through the emotional and physical intimacy connection that you’re missing. This first of its kind proven program teaches you how to get your emotional and physical intimacy needs met.
What will I get out of it if I join?
This is a group coaching program with women that helps them identify, speak up and figure out their emotional and physical intimacy needs whether they are single or in a relationship.
The first phase is figuring out yourself as a whole person.
The second part after you look at your needs is removing your blocks.
The third part is taking action.
Dr. Kristie, advocates tapping more into yourself so that you can stop blaming your partner, the better relationship you are going to get, period! You can then accept yourself because at the end of the day we cannot stop working on ourselves. Just like I said before, we are ever-evolving, ever-changing, so that means that sometimes we have to work on ourselves to go along with that change or adapt to that change.
We have to have these awkward and downright scary conversations if we want to move forward in any relationship, especially with our partners. We all deserve to be happy, each person in that relationship deserves to be happy and not only fulfilled sexually but also emotionally.
So what are you waiting for?
Head to the links below and check out Dr. Kristie and be sure to follow her on all the socials or reach out to her to learn more about her program if it is speaking to you! Because guess what??? You deserve to have a happy, healthy, sexy life!
What is one thing that makes you feel magical?
Reading…. I know it sounds funny that I am a huge book nerd. So it’s the reading but it’s that taking that time where I don’t deal with anybody. I get to go to my magical place in my mind that I’ve done since I was very little. And just get to have that time for me. So I make sure I read 30minutes to an hour every single day. So that way I have that little away place to go. And that’s pretty magical for me.
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/kimbarnesjeffersoncoach
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic/
Dr. Kristie Overstreet
Fix Yourself First: 25 tips to stop ruining your relationships
5 Languages Of Love