We are living in ‘Rona times. We’ve been encouraged to stay home and isolate. Now is the best time to talk about how to make friends, AS AN ADULT! Yup, I got to sit down with Gemma Scopes, and she shared with us how to find new friends as an adult. Yes, it can be intimidating and a scary freaking world out there when it comes to finding new friends, but let me tell you, magic makers, you can totally do it!! YOU DON’T NEED TO BE LONELY! And ya know what’ When you make a new friend as an adult, they seriously end up being a lifelong friend and it’s a really special thing!
When you make a new friend, sometimes it’s an instant connection you just vibe with each other instantly! Sometimes you don’t. But how do you get there’ How do you find NEW friends when suddenly all of your friends have either gotten married, paired off, having babies or divorced’ Have you ever found yourself looking around wondering where the hell everyone went’
In her late 20’s Gemma was coming out of a relationship and found that most of her friends were either married or with kids, and they were just at different stages of their lives. Their paths had changed and the spontaneity that she wanted within her friendships were also gone, so Gemma took one whole year and dedicated it to finding NEW friends everywhere she went, and she even blogged about her experiences!
The friend project started as a year-long experiment and it turned into something so much bigger. As she began this project as a distraction and a positive thing to do for herself, people started to take notice. Gemma was instantly being messaged from people all over the world that were reading her blog posts saying they were lonely as well and did not have friends or longed to make new friends. And this wasn’t just single people it was people from all walks of life. New moms, single people, people who had physically moved to a new location and had no friends or family nearby and tons of other situations where people just felt LONELY.
From this came the website, an amazing Podcast, and the opportunity to help people all over the world find and make new friendships and relationships. And now Gemma helps women manage loneliness, become their own best friend and make new friends at the same time! It is okay to outgrow old friendships and want to make new ones. But how do we get there’ How do we do all of that’
This. Is. HUGE! In any relationship, boundaries are so important. And when it comes to making friends you have to set boundaries as if it was a romantic relationship too! Us woman are people pleasers and we are always going to be that way unless we make a change! We don’t like to say no, and we sure as hell don’t like to ruffle any feathers in the process. So, saying now comes SO HARD TO US!! It is sometimes like it doesn’t exist within our vocabulary.
The only person who can set these boundaries in the new friendship is yourself, so learn to say NO. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it and you don’t necessarily need a reason why either. And once you have done this a few times, trust me, you are going to learn along the way that you actually LOVE TO SAY NO!! And don’t worry about the FOMO (fear of missing out), if you want to stay home, stay home, if you don’t want that friendship then it isn’t meant to be. But do not be afraid to say the word NO.
[Tweet ““No is a complete sentence.” – Lisa Nichols”]
Are you living a truly authentic life’
Has this time during Rona forced you to think about the relationships you are in and question them’ Or have you missed those friendships and relationships and cannot wait to get back to them’ Have you been okay sitting within yourself during this time and actually enjoy not doing much’ And maybe you have realized that you are really actually okay with not filling your life with tons of extra stuff or extra friends that just aren’t fulfilling.
We can get so terrified by ourselves that we just fill all of our time and energy doing other stuff. But actually, the root of everything is who we are. And friendships are the people we CHOOSE to hang out with, not who we have to hang out with. So being authentic to yourself may mean keeping those relationships that really mean a lot is what is important or making new friends because these old relationships just aren’t cutting it and are not fulfilling.
But before moving on to find new friends, you have to first make sure that you are friends with YOURSELF first and foremost. All of this REALLY STARTS WITH YOU! You have to make friends with yourself, don’t talk bad about yourself, and be kind to yourself. If you can spend time with yourself and be alone and happy, it totally changes the way you view your friendships. You then lose all expectations that someone else is going to fulfill you when you should be doing it for yourself and if I am not happy with me, I am going to put all of my expectations on that new friend. If you are not sitting and understanding who you are and your own expectations of friendships, you will always be disappointed when you go to find that new friend.
Time, Energy and MONEY are the 3 things you are spending, and you don’t have much time. Time is limited. So, you want to spend time with the people that mean the most, that get you and you look forward to being with. It is important for us to have that connection with our friends, to be authentically you with the people who get you the most and those can be either lifelong friends or brand-new friends!
When you spend time with them, especially with Rona and social distancing, go out and enjoy your time with them. Go walk and talk for an hour, no pressure just connecting! Just get together again and make the best of that time. Celebrate together, encourage one another and enjoy each other’s company.
Is the relationship authentic and right for me’
This is something we are always wondering, is the friendship real, or is it right for me’ What does it feel like when are with this person’ Even a longtime friend, if you aren’t vibing anymore, maybe it is time to move on to find other friends. If it is a new friendship you will just feel it. You can feel the energy the flow of the relationship, the ease of that friendship and connection. You will feel that vibe and you will know. There is a feeling you get with a friend that you know that you will just be best friends forever! So just go with how you are feeling!
And it doesn’t always happen just like that. We are constantly growing and evolving as humans, so sometimes it just fits and other times it doesn’t and what one relationship may be okay with you at one point in your life, isn’t right now. Just be confident in your decisions and know what it is that you truly want.
I know it is cheesy, but YOUR VIBE ATTRACTS YOUR TRIBE! When you know who you are, when you are at peace with who you are and you are confident, you know what you know and you are happy than people want a bit of that and they will want to be friends with you! You will start attracting the people you want in your life.
Where to make friends…..
During Gemma’s year-long experiment, she tried to make friends wherever she went. She first tried friendship apps and those didn’t pan out the way she wanted, and she realized that social media was such an amazing tool to meet new friends. She has a love-hate relationship with social media, as do I and I know most of you do… (the scrollllllllll will get you!) But if used correctly, it is such a great way to find people who like the same thing as you or have the same interests and hobbies. Let those relationships on social media happen organically and don’t push them. Let those connections evolve and it can form into a really amazing friendship.
Once the experiment was over…
Gemma realized there was such a need out there for people who were just lonely and wanting to form friendships. People all over the world want to make friends and connect with other women and relate to other women. Her Blog continued into what it is today and she has tons of amazing posts on it ranging from Social Anxiety, to How To Be a Good Friend, to 5 Signs Your Friendship is Ending, to Mental Health and Friendship, and even Loneliness and Emotional Eating. These posts are amazing and she continued her work through Podcasts, How To Make Friends. She will soon be launching her Patreon Podcast for people who want to go deeper into this topic and get more information from Gemma.
Did you emerge from Rona and see things in a new light’ Did you enjoy being alone much more than the hectic life you were living before’ Did you realize that people who you thought were friends really weren’t and you are emerging wanting to meet brand-new people’ A lot of us have healed and discovered new parts of ourselves and new boundaries. Others have escaped FOMO (fear of missing out) and know that they can live a slower life and that may mean with different friends. Whichever way you emerged or have been living before this, just know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you feel lonely and longing for the right kind of relationships, you are not the only one girl. As we go through the various stages in our life, there will be a time where we are going to be like huh… where are all of my friends’ GEMMA has the answer if you have ever had the question…
What makes you feel magical’
Connection. Connection with other people is just what I value and even from this time now, corona times, I have missed people, not things. The magic is in human interaction, connection and community. -Gemma Scopes
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Gemma Scopes is an award-winning blogger and podcast helping women manage loneliness, become their own best friend and make new friends.
Podcast: Instagram: @Howtomakefriends_