What’s the Secret To Failing?

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You know this may sound like something your mother would say, but it’s true .You fail when you give up.
Totally cheesy right?  Let’s talk about failure.
I really wish I could sit here and say hey I’m perfect, but I’m so far from it.
I use to chase perfection, tried so hard to control the uncontrollable, till one day I cried until.
Being perfect was EXHAUSTING!
Seriously who’s measuring stick was I comparing myself to? Mine? Friends? Family? Some chick I follow on social media?
Good grief.
Here is where I fail and strive to do my best. I measure everything by Good, Better and Best.
  • My diet — I eat healthy most of the time, but I do love a nice glass of Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc and ahhh coffee Oreo ice-cream (Dreamweaver moment). I’ve removed most of the foods from my life that don’t really work well for me  do allow for fun foods. Sure there times that I over do it and feel fat and bloated. Its in those moments that I learn where my boundaries – no more beating myself up. 
  • Procrastination — I am the queen of this!! It’s taken me so time but I’ve become much better at beating procrastination. I used to put up all these barriers to get started – things had to be perfect in order to start, I had to have the right pen, it had to be a Monday. AHHH – yes, I still have those moments but right now I focus picking three things each day and taking action.
  • Expectations — I am my own worst critic. For as long as I can remember I’ve had high expectations of myself and others. It was my lost of “control” that made me feel I needed to control everything. I’ve gotten better at holding looser expectations of myself, but from time to time I do  still feel frustrated/disappointed when people or situations don’t meet them.
I failed at all these things and more.
How did I make this turn around did I wake up one with magic fairy dust, nope!!
It can be a tough turn around when you have feelings of being a failure in your heart?
The best way through is taking action. Trust me I know when you feel like shit about yourself of the situation that you may be n the last thing you want to do is take action. One of the best books I’ve read about this is Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway. You take the action anyway.
You take it because you know if you don’t, you feel worse, and the time is going to pass anyway so you might as well go for it.  Plug your nose and dive into the deep end!
Here’s what I do:
  • I take a breath. It’s not the end of the world to fail. I just need some space, some distance. I need to see the problem in perspective. When I do, I realize that some of the goals that I’m trying to achieve are pretty minor in the grand scheme of my life.
  • I reframe the failure. One of my mentors says failure feeds your future. Failure shows you the path that’s not right for you. It’s the universe giving you feedback. Failure is part of the learning process  Think of it like this, you have not failed as a person, you  your method failed. Then ask what needs to change to get the results that I want?
  • I change the method. If the way I was doing it didn’t work, I need to find a new way. What can I do differently? In most of the cases, I added some accountability. I can procrastinate and hide from stuff like a champ! I also needed to ask for help and admit I didn’t know all the answers and I looked for inspiration.
  • ​​​​​​​I take the first step. Yes, this could feel like you are stepping off a ledge, but when you break it down to one simple step you can take this it gets a little easier to take the step.  I had to admit ot myself that I can’t solve any of my stuff overnight, or even in a few days. I can, however, take one tiny step toward my ultimate goal. And that’s all that matters.
Ask yourself, what do you want? Are you willing to take one step? Any step.
That one steps lets you take a deep breath. It shows you that things aren’t impossible. It starts to dissolve your disbelief and begins to shift your mindset into belief mode.
Each day I ask myself what’s my one thing that I’m working toward and what’s one small step I can talk.
If you like this approach, these the methods that I talk about in my Freedom Collective.
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