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How To Do Self Care And Not Feel Guilty

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Magic makers…. Since RONA hit, I have been really focused on SELF-CARE!  I think that all of us take a giant back seat and really began to evaluate what life really means to each of us, what life means for our family and what life means moving forward.  Self-care is always talked about, but are you really doing it’  Are you taking time for YOU to make you a better friend, daughter, mom, wife, sister’  What are you doing to make sure you are taken care of’


This podcast I had to chance to sit down with Emily Nichols who is ALL ABOUT the self-care!  She has spent the last 5 years working on self-care for her and making sure she is taken care of and now she is on a mission to help women realize that Self Care Isn’t Selfish. 

Emily’s life was changed in 2015 when she found Whole30 and her, self-care journey snowballed from there into a love of fitness, a deep dive into habit research, and daily personal development to change her mindset. Emily is now a Whole30 Certified Coach, Personal Trainer who hosts group/private coaching and course and is the host of The Self Care Isn’t Selfish Podcast, where she brings on expert guests and her own expertise in self-care as a coach to help her audience transform their lives by crafting their own simple and sustainable self-care routine. Her goal in life is to coach other women to “put their oxygen masks on first” and stop merely surviving and start thriving.

When you ask someone about what self-care means to them, the answer is always going to be different.  For Emily, self-care means putting herself first without the guilt and taking a really holistic view of her wellness.  It starts with physical for Emily and moving her body, then mental, emotional and spiritual as well, and they all piggyback off of each other!!  So, she makes sure she starts this in the morning and trickle it in throughout the day.  She has to make sure she puts on her oxygen mask first so that she is able to breathe and show up for her kids, for her podcast, for her clients, for her husband, friends, family and whoever else she is in contact with.

All of this is great right’

But it really doesn’t mean anything UNLESS you are taking care of yourself guilt-free.  As a mom, how many of you feel guilty for doing something for YOURSELF!’  But listen to me!  You NEED that mommy time; you need to make yourself a priority!  Selfcare is a habit you have to practice over time, and you start to get those amazing benefits and the guilt slowly starts to fade away. You begin to realize that you are a lot more patient with your kids!  But you would feel a lot more guilt if you were yelling at your kids all the time instead of showing up as the best version of yourself!!  You take better care of you! And that simple shift helps you to see other areas that needed improvement.

Start small and do a little at a time.

Mamas, we know that being a parent is really really hard and there are all of these different stages as the kids grow up. And when they are really little self-care is hard at that time and sleep is hard at that time so what comes first’  What is the priority’  If you are able to just take a small amount of time throughout the day for self-care and be willing to change as your life changes with your children, it is going to make you better for the long haul!  A lot of people don’t believe in balance when it comes to this, but I think that there is a way to find some kind of HARMONY!  Harmony within your life, within your daily lives, to get to a better you!

Emily brought me something she uses with her clients and people she talks with about this and it is called the 3 Pillars when it comes to self-care, and these include, Mindset, Movement and Food Freedom!  And I just LOVEEEE THIS so much!

Let’s start with Food Freedom. 

This doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s a way to work on yourself so that you are not relying on food for when you are stressed, or emotional or overwhelmed.  When Emily started looking at the way she dealt with stress, she realized that when she was stressed and had a bunch of anxiety, she would turn to chocolate chip cookies.  And she would mindlessly eat cookies while she thought about everything that she didn’t accomplish that day.  Then she turned to alcohol and was drinking to forget about what was going on to get that buzz. And she knew that this was not healthy, and it didn’t make her feel good!

So, when she was feeling like this and feeling overwhelmed or stressed, or craving something, instead of eating or drinking, she would go outside for a walk!  Food is soooo emotional and so many emotions tie to it!  So, the best way to help with this is to implement new strategies to help you not turn to food or alcohol when you are stressed or overwhelmed. (and don’t worry, she still ate the cookies, she just didn’t eat the entire bag!)

The best way to figure out what is going on and how to help with it is to take it step by step to see what really happens. And put these steps together to find what your patterns are so that you can work on them!

Next, we are talking about Movement!  

We HAVE TO move out bodies!  And if it is even for 5 minutes a day that is better than nothing!   This has got to be the most important pillar of self-care because it has this domino effect.  When Emily and other women move their bodies, it helps to clear your mind, and sometimes feels like a spiritual moment and you can feel really confident!  And then by doing this, it falls into other parts of your life.

By moving your body daily, it Inspires myself and others to be strong women, not just physically but mentally.   And walking did this for Emily.  She implemented it when COVID hit because well… we couldn’t go anywhere!   It would be the time for Emily to have alone time, walk a mile have that quiet time for your day!   She feels like she is in the best shape of her life and right now she is not really working out.  So, walk and do strength training 3 times a week or more to really get you moving and grooving and feeling good!

Alright, last pillar! MINDSET!  

For Emily, mindset means being in tune with her body.  She strongly believes that there is a mind-body connection and feels like when she is  not in a good headspace or not feeling really confident in myself right now and have negative feelings, it can manifest physically in your body. Prior to her self-care journey, she never had times (made the time) to tune into her body and see the patterns.  But now she is more in tune and her mindset is strong enough to listen to her body and her body listens to her mind.  Mindset is connected to both your emotions and mental health, and mindset can start with just getting your thoughts out and different ways to express your emotions

A huge way to start right now is to start and end each day with gratitude.  Write down what you are grateful for in the beginning and end of each day in a notebook and I know that it will help your mindset because it has helped with Emily tremendously.  I love writing, and you know I love journaling, so this is something I have experience with, and it works!! Just get started and see how it all plays out!

Don’t forget that this is a gradual process.  We all fight change and fight for what we want, and we want our life.  Change is fucking hard and we don’t want to change, but if you start with one thing, not a long list, it’s easier to get started.   It is ok to test things out to see what works and what time of day and being ok with that and giving myself grace.   This is a strange and insane season right now that we are going through with covid and what is going on in the country and our lives and you just have to give yourself grace.

Be sure to experiment with different things you can try through the day and see what you can fit into your day to feel better!  You also need to check in with yourself and ask, where am I now’ What is possible right now’ Vs always trying to “get back” to where we were.  What can you work on differently, now that we are home to get you moving and freeing yourself from food and shifting that mindset’

Self-care can seem really hard, but when it’s not, then it’s like “Oh, is this working what am I doing’”  And just being open to changing and making small changes as you move along is what is going to get you to that point where you want to be.  Living a better version of yourself for you and your family!   To get started,  grab Emily’s Self Care Checklist Freebie to help women start crafting their own simple self-care routine!

What makes you feel magical’

Finding harmony in my life.  And that starts with self-care and you can feel that inner magic when your life is in harmony and inflow.  If something is off-key, just change it and figure out how to make it work and that is magical to me.  – Emily Nichols


Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/FabFitSquad

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic/

Website: https://www.kimbarnesjefferson.com/

Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fit-girl-magic-healthy-living-for-women-over-40/id1476883661



Self Care Isn’t Selfish Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-self-care-isnt-selfish-podcast/id1475486523

Self Care Checklist Freebie to help women start crafting their own simple self-care routine: https://mailchi.mp/16c89e0859ea/selfcarefreebie


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