I’ve wanted to have a conversation about stress for a long time here. And you know why” Because SOOO many women over 40 think that STRESS is a normal way of life and they think that they are managing it just fine. But are you really managing it at all. Or are you are loading more and more on top of it until one day’ it’s just too much to take. Stress is not a way of life’ It is painful and it has gotta go!
This week’s Fit Girl Magic podcast guest, Susan Choi, is an expert in stress management and is giving you some tips on how to get started eliminating stress and hopefully help us to stop being a complete stress ball!
Seriously, why does it take people getting punched 50 times in the face to say huh, I need to make a change” Well, I am hoping this is your sign to make a change, friends!
Susan Choi is a High-Performance Stress Management Coach and she is the founder of the Stressproof Method‘, a program that helps stressed out and sensitive Leaders finally break free from emotional and mental limitations.
As women, I feel like we take on so much more and stress and it quickly starts to pile on. You think that you can take on so much and that you have to show up with a cape on our back and solve everything in one fell swope. Some people are wired to handle more stress than others, while some are wired to be a lot more sensitive to stress but with the capacity to handle so much.
On one hand, you’ve learned to handle so much more in our lives. But on the other hand, what you haven’t learned is where is that balance for us in terms of how much stress can you handle and how many results are you actually creating in your life’
Seriously, how much stress is caused by your own mind that creates no productivity’ When you are stressed out are you getting stuff done’
This is where people seem to think self-care will solve everything. But in reality, it’s not. One of the biggest stress relief myths out there is to do more self-care. Come on, how many massages does it actually take to feel better” Let’s keep if reallyAnd when Monday rolls around does all that stress comes right back. 12121′ It just goes to show that what we have been doing is putting a band aid over the symptoms and not getting to the root cause of the stress!
I am speaking from experience on this. All of the other things didn’t work for me. Until my coach wanted me to journal, and I was like PSSHHH I am certainly not a journaling girl! But that is why I needed it’. My coach asked me to just take 5 minutes a day to write down how I was feeling. Then I was to write down what these feelings make me believe. This exploded my world! Those 2 questions’. What am I feeling vs how do I push through…’ How about you’ Are you thinking about it or reacting’
When Susan asks people where their stress is coming from it’s like a trick question’
What she is really asking is what is going on inside your brain’ What part of your brain is freaking out and what thought do you have that is driving you crazy’ Everything out there is a mirror to what is going on in here! A projection about what we currently believe about ourselves and life!
Asking ourselves those questions is really important because we should be thinking about these things that trigger this automatic response of stress because it’s actually a little breadcrumb of where we should be looking within ourselves. So, if you are in the thick of it, how do we start asking ourselves better questions’! How do I ask myself the question, ‘Am I making this up in my head, or is it really happening in front of me”
Try this next time you are in a stressful situation. You want to ask the question, ‘Who is telling the story right now” Let’s say for example, I don’t have time to work out’
You take an action, or you have a response.
A response is a conscious awareness that I am choosing to say this and do this.
A reaction is the urge in us to hurry up and do something to relieve this tension we are feeling in our body.
Here is where it is huge to stop and pause. Lean in and determine What are you feeling right now’
Some people are not able to respond, and it can take minutes, because they literally do not know what they are feeling. It can take time to really realize what you are feeling when you stop to think about it.
It takes time, but with enough practice your train your mind and body to feel an emotion, what ends up happening is you are then able to recognize faster and quicker in every single moment in the future. This is actually worry, not stress. Let me check in with my brain and see what part of my brain is actually worrying.
Remember, you should not be afraid of your emotions. Believe it or not there is a part of you that wants to feel worried. You know that emotion you’ve become friends with that emotion and it feels comfortable and certain. AS you are doing this work, you begin to realize that worry is an unnecessary to feel that way. It’s ok to feel that!! Acknowledge the emotion, then release it. Let it go. If we are constantly in resistance to it, what happens with resistance’ It always comes back!!
One thing we run into a lot is this question. How do I work through major things when it comes to stress’ Job loss, family health, finances’
There is not that much of a difference because this is still unnecessary stress. How is telling yourself you have no money over and over again, actually helping you’ Ask yourself, is that really true’ It is more important that you focus on what needs to get done and how you’re going to get there and who you’re becoming versus constantly repeating the old thing you keep telling yourself in your mind. This will only prolong the energy of stuckness! Energy is lacking!
I want you to think about stress as give and take. Just like how you treat your bank account and relationships. You cannot continuously take take take and not give anything into it. You can drive the car as hard as you want, but you still have to give it an oil change and take care of it. Otherwise, the quality of how this vessel operates will not be how you want it to be ultimately. This vessel won’t last too long!
This work is not overnight’ A big part of getting to know that part of yourself and really having stress managed well, is you’re actually cultivating a deeper compassion and love for yourself. Are you worthy to take the time off’ Do you love yourself enough to know even if this one thing that feels so important in the moment were to fall way, you know that you’re going to be okay’ It always kind of boils down to this really deep hole that we are trying to cover up within ourselves. When we can get to that hole and really heal it, that unnecessary stress will start to melt away!
If you are having a hard time really loving yourself.. I want you to think about it from this perspective.
How many times do you look at someone you love, a child or partner, and say you are more worthy if you do that! You don’t do that!! NOOO! Instead, you say that you are so enough because you love them and want to continuously lift them up! So’.. Do you say that to yourself every day’ Do you actually believe in yourself that you are enough’
People strive for things because they think they will have a better quality of life if they get there. But if you let that go and just tell yourself that you are so enough, everything that you do after that, people will feel that energy coming off of you! And you will be that much more into your work and your fitness and the things you do in your life!
Stop and ask yourself if this is how life is’ How can I have fun right now’ Because really, what’s really happening is yes, we need to learn how to manage stress, but for most people, it’s you who really don’t know how to be happy. You don’t know how to be content; you don’t know how to love yourself, just the way that things are! Because you continue to look to the past and how things were or how stressful things were and you don’t stop and think about the now, what is going on right here. How can I be happy right now and remove these stressful worries from my life right now’
Honestly, it’s just so important to grasp onto the macro-level concept. Ask the core questions.
What part of me is thinking and believing this right now’
What is a fact’
What is the story I am telling myself’
Ask yourself these questions, as you’re feeling the feeling. What is this feeling trying to tell me’ How is it trying to protect me’ And just sit with that’The feeling is not out to get you, it’s actually here for a reason and we need to understand that.
If you want to get rid of stress, you have to start getting real. Sit down and just figure it out. There is no pat answer. It’s a lot of deep work and when people are ready to do the deep work, you will come out a different person on the other side of it! You are actually changing and shifting the things you believe inside so the way you see the world and interact with the world completely becomes transformed.
Then ask yourself the hard question. Do I want to live this life’
I highly recommend checking our Susan and her podcast. She is binge worthy and has so much helpful information! You can access all of her info from the links below! And be sure to reach out to her with any questions you may have for her!
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/kimbarnesjeffersoncoach
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic/
10 Days To Reboot and Refocus
Susan Choi Wellness
Free Stressproof master class